009 - On Embracing a Mediocre Life
I think I am okay with neither big or small life, just in between — a beautiful, simple, average life.
Hello, welcome back to this shit-sandwich newsletter! Nice to see you again. Please help yourself to your welcome drink and snack and join us in Function Room 6 in five minutes along with the other self-conscious twenty-something and thirty-something for the first seminar of the day, ‘Embracing a Mediocre Life’.
It’s funny how as I get older, I have become more comfortable with the idea of living a life that is neither big nor small. Just in between. As unsexy as that sounds, to be honest, this is something that I’ve recently been able to consider. Between the age of 15 to 30, I was so far out to sea with insecurity that I needed to achieve a lot of great things in life and be good at something. I wanted to learn piano, but three chords in I realized I wasn’t exactly a musical person, so I quit after 2 lessons. When I was in uni, I took up a sewing course because I thought I wanted to have my own brand therefore I should be able to make my own clothes and after spending countless of late nights trying to make the right pattern for a jumpsuit, I gave up because I came to understand that I wasn’t ever going to be good at it.
This is not me making a gibberish comment about how lack of talent or ambition I have in my life. I have dreams and ambitions, but sometimes life surprises you with unexpected plot twists that make you realize that dreams and goals and ambitions might change based on circumstances and realities that happen as we grow up. When I first came to Melbourne, my goal and dream was that I will continue to work in a magazine, using all my experience and skills that I have from back home. After submitted a thousand of essays and sent a countless of CVs, but only to be getting a response that saying “We love your writing and appreciate your time and effort, but we have determined that other candidates have more experience and skills that are relevant and at the level we are looking for”, I started to re-evaluate my life and what I want for myself.
At some point, especially when you are in your 30s, you start to face not only your own death and the death of everyone you know, but also the death of possibility. Everything starts to feel like a time bomb. The future doesn’t look wide open anymore. It feels like there is a limit of what you can be and where you can go. I don’t want to say the most stereotypical thing ever but I’m so scared that what if I’m not living my life to its fullest and if I’m missing out a lot of things and what happens if I never reach my full potential?
Our culture encourages us to translate every disappointment into a very personal moral failure. But I have found that obsessing over my own disappointment at my future, at my failure, at my life is not going to change anything. Instead of cringing at myself in the mirror, I’m going to stand up and look directly at who I am, not who I should have been, but who I am right now and accept the situations I am in and be okay with it. It’s not that I’m settling for less, but it’s more about accepting that my light is burning a bit dim right now, and learning to be okay with that. This is not about pursuing mediocrity, mind you — because we all should try to do the best we possibly can — but rather, about accepting mediocrity of what we have right now is enough.
We live in a society based on productivity and how successful we are and how cool we are that being mediocre or average is considered an insult. I’m ashamed to admit that when I was younger, I didn’t want to be mediocre. I’m so scared of living a mediocre life. But when I was younger, I didn’t know better. I guess I haven't learned that yet, that being mediocre doesn’t mean waving a white flag. I take aspiring to be mediocre to mean being aware of where you are at life right now, despite your best efforts, you are okay with what you have. Being mediocre for me is about expecting less of the moment and teaching myself to be okay with less and to be in the middle.
I know, I know, accepting your own mediocrity sounds like a small death. But I think that is a misconception that being average means being a failure. Of course it’s important to have dreams and goals and strive for success because we should want the best for ourselves. But we should always acknowledge the chapter of our own life and what circumstances we are currently in. Accepting mediocrity is not going into life with an ‘I’m-going-to-lose-anyway-so-no-point-in-trying’ attitude. It doesn't mean not fighting anymore. It means knowing yourself better and understanding what battles to pick. It allows the emotional freedom to let go and continue to grow. By making peace with myself and where I am right now, I’m also allowing a space to reinvent myself. I have come to a realization that it’s okay that I’m not working in a magazine anymore. I have done that and it’s time to move forward. Why should I limit myself only to one thing? The universe is full of magical things and I believe that we are a changing creature, capable of any transformation.
In my life, there are times where I have truly shone, where I have unlocked The Dream Job, where I have been the best version of myself. Because of that, I know that I will still shine, no matter what I do or where I am. Maybe the light is not that bright, but it’s still shining and it’s more than enough.
That’s everything for now. I hope you have a cute week ahead. Thanks for being here :) x
Gita
Ps: How beautiful is my birthday cake??? I don’t want to eat it. It’s made by Lara from Cakeshop Cakeshop 🌷🌹🌻💐 <3 !!!!!!